The real reason we can’t get happy…

Self-doubt is the negative habit of constantly questioning your own decisions, judgements and ideas.

The cause of so many of our limiting beliefs and negative self talk comes from self-doubt.

Through my coaching work I have found a common theme, woman seem to doubt their own abilities a lot. So much so that it is impacting pretty much every area of their lives.

It can cause anxiety, stress and unhappiness. It is exhausting.

Imagine if you wanted to apply for a new job within your organisation. You feel excited about the prospect and send an email expressing your interest to your line manager.

That night you start doubting your decision,

Should I have sent the email?
Who am I to think I could even do the job.
What if Sally applies , she’s bound to get it.

You spiral into negative thought after thought about your decision until you feel overwhelmed and feel like it might be easier to just withdraw your email.

Sound familiar? What if you could have applied for the job that you wanted and relaxed into the self-belief that whatever outcome happens it will be for the best. Knowing that if this job doesn’t happen , another one will AND trust that it will work out exactly as it is supposed to.

What can we do to stop the negative thought patterns?

Acknowledge the thought that comes into your mind, accept that it is there but refuse to hold onto it or allow it to ‘take charge’. Let it go, drop it or speak to it…say “ No we are not going down that path again". This can really work.
Think of a similar situation that has happened and ask yourself what was the outcome? It probably wasn’t anywhere near as bad as you ‘thought’ it might be. Remember thoughts are not necessarily the truth. The annoying voices are usually much worse than the reality of the situation you are worrying about.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Social media can be full of people portraying their seemingly perfect lives. It is very rarely the truth. Start by listing a few things that you have achieved in your life, in the last year, in the last week. Help yourself to feel and acknowledge how amazing you are as a human. Give yourself permission.
Meditate…this to me has been the biggest tool that I have found in the last year to help me build self acceptance and self love. Meditation is a place to come back to the now, the present moment. Here you will find a new kind of peace. A place to become one with your self and the Universe. It is not always easy and that’s why its called a meditation practice.
Practice gratitude regularly. Keeping a gratitude journal can be a wonderful way of acknowledging the good in our every day. Simple lists that may include coffee or having a comfy bed can help us to feel grounded and less likely to go off in a negative thought sequence.
Remember “It is none of your business what other people think of you”. People are usually so wrapped up in their own lives that they care much less about what you do or say than you think. People will like you or not like you no matter what you do so worrying about what you might have said or not said is wasted energy and pointless really. This is actually very liberating when you put it into action, try it x
Don’t take everything personally , maybe someone didn’t call you back when they said they would. Perhaps something happened, their mother became ill or something came up. It’s not always all about you, people have lives and things happen. Try not to over think or interpret situations or blame others . We never know what is really going on in someone else’s life.
Spend time with people who build you up not put you down and refuse to be around negativity. Talk to supportive friends. Join positive like minded groups. Hire a coach or mentor.
Read books or listen to podcasts that help boost positivity. There are so many wonderful role models out there. Follow them , hop onto their energy stream.
Finally see any failure as a way to learn. I do not believe in failure I just take anything that hasn’t worked out as a way to learn and grow from.

If you are struggling with self-doubt please reach out.

My 12 week coaching experience might be exactly what you need to help you ditch the self-doubt and step into self - belief . To find out more click here

Also very excited to be launching the Marvellous Midlife Membership very soon.

A place to connect, grow, learn and be inspired through midlife and menopause.