Hello marvellous peeps

I hope you are all keeping well.

It is with a very heavy heart that I want to to share something with you, my husband and I are separating. I find this very tough because it is still so raw and I am in the thick of it, but I believe it is the right thing for me to do. I am a very transparent person, I definitely wear my “heart on my sleeve” and so being open about this now seems right, although finding the words is not easy…

I am a very private person and don’t overshare , trying instead to go inwards to find my answers. I have told some of my family and a couple of close friends but that is it.

My marriage has always been up and down, ebbing and flowing with two people trying their best to make it work with blended families , a stressful family business and perimenopause. It has never been particularly easy. Is any marriage ? I would love to know…We have had some wonderful times too.

I have always been fiercely independent and have found any kind of long term relationships hard. My free spirit and ways of thinking are often at odds with the monogamy and expectations of a traditional marriage or relationship. I remember saying to my husband when I first met him that I believed ( and still do ) that separate bedrooms would be the best way for a marriage to work. I like the idea of having my own space and coming together when we want to not just because we are in the same bed. This didn’t happen, the bed thing, perhaps I should have pushed for it more.

I also find that I lose myself within a relationship, my energy becomes diluted.

My own needs , wants , boundaries etc can be compromised and I feel lost in the safe world of us…

We are now sorting stuff out and going through the shitty part of money, possessions etc , it is very emotional and we are learning to do it with as much grace and humility as we can each muster right now.

This journey is taking all my strength, courage and self belief that my life is turning onto a different path , the one I am supposed to be on. I know it is the right decision and a calling deep within me that has been rising up for a long time, begging me to notice and do something has finally now been recognised and respected.

No change is ever easy. That is why so many stay in relationships that don’t serve them because often staying is the easiest option.

I have to do this, to take the harder route for this journey into the next phase of my life because ultimately I want to have fully lived and listened to my intuition…I am ready x

( this is taken from my recent September Newsletter, if you would like to subscribe please see below )

Breaking up is hard to do especially at 51...