I was 48 or 49 when I began having symptoms of the menopause

I had my first night sweat at about the same time as my periods became erratic. I’ve only had one other night sweat since then: they are quite different to a hot flush. Night sweats are like waking up on a soggy mattress, with the sheets stuck to your dripping body! It’s a horrible experience.

I stopped having periods 16 months ago, so I’m now fully menopausal.

Other than night sweats, hot flushes and erratic periods my symptoms have included depression, anxiety, sudden mood swings, feelings of anger, dry skin, dry vagina, low libido, low self-esteem, weight gain/shift, bloating, swollen finger joints, brain fog, irritation.

When I started with symptoms I went to see my GP, and was offered HRT. I tried it for about 4 or 5 months but I didn’t like some of the side-effects (the worst being increased anxiety), so I came off it. With hindsight I should have gone back to the GP to try a different one; instead I bought some over-the-counter menopause tablets, I bought a load of fans off eBay to put in all my handbags, next to my bed and in all my drawers at work! I also bought a great product called Meno Magic (yes, it’s really called that!) which is available online. You squeeze a small amount of it onto your wrists as soon as you feel a flush coming on. More often than not it stopped the flush in its tracks and even reduced the number of flushes I was having.

But worse than the physical symptoms were the emotional ones. I sometimes felt as though I was going mad! I could swing from calmness to anger in the blink of an eye; I stopped going to social occasions because of my anxiety: I would become panicked and tearful.

The past 2 years have been quite horrendous: I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told my husband that our marriage is over. Not only did I feel as though he didn’t understand what I was going through, but I also took all my rages out on him. I asked him one day if he’d done any research on the effect menopause can have on women, and how debilitating it can be. Thankfully he found an article online which was aimed at men. He has been far more tolerant and sympathetic since!

For the past six months I’ve been back on HRT. I’ve found one which suits me better and really helps with some of my symptoms. My anxiety is nowhere near as crippling; my hot flushes are almost non-existent; I no longer wish to kill or divorce my husband (!) and I’m feeling more positive about the future.

It has been difficult to think about any positives about going through the menopause. I feel as though I’ve become invisible, as our society relies on beauty and youth for validity. To look in the mirror and see the rapid ageing effects of the menopause on my face and body is like going through a kind of grief. However, I can’t turn the clock back so I have to make the best of what I have. I’d love to say that I do yoga, I meditate and I eat healthily, but I don’t. Instead I wear clothes which suit my figure and my personality; I look online for ideas of how to tailor my makeup; I rely much more on my personality and my sense of humour.

It’s my body that is telling me I’m getting older, not my mind. It’s never too late to learn a new skill, or change your job (which I did recently). I’m in a WhatsApp group with my female friends who are peri menopausal or menopausal and we often have a laugh about each other’s mishaps or misdemeanours; I’ve found that being able to laugh about the inevitable is great therapy.

More about Tracey:

I am a 51 year old Northern lass named Tracey (such a 70’s name!) My career as a barber began 5 years ago when I realised that my job as a photographic interior stylist was limited due to the physicality involved: I just couldn’t see myself climbing ladders and shifting furniture when I was at retirement age.

I have been married to my (incredibly long-suffering husband) for 27 years and we have two daughters, a dog and a cat.