Jo Moseley's Meno Story
How old were you when you first discovered you were in Menopause?
Great question! I think I was 50-51 when I realised I was and had been experiencing the perimenopause. Looking back, I believe my symptoms started when I was 47.
How did you know you were in Menopause?
In May 2013, I broke down in the biscuit aisle of Tesco’s with my sons by my side. I was sobbing and telling them I simply couldn’t cope any more. I hadn’t slept well for months and was feeling stressed and anxious.
A friend lent me an indoor rowing machine, suggesting exercise might help me sleep and thankfully, it did. Within two weeks I was feeling brighter and better. I began to realise the impact of movement on my wellbeing and started looking at other ways I could look after myself. I still didn’t realise I was experiencing symptoms of the menopause!
I discovered accounts on Twitter such as Henpicked and Rachel Lankester of Magnficent Midlife, reading and researching their articles about the menopause in 2014.
It felt like I was gradually putting the pieces of a puzzle together. There was so little information and public conversation about the menopause back then. I began to appreciate that all the different symptoms I was experiencing were actually connected.
I wasn’t just stressed because I was a busy single Mum with both my parents going through chemotherapy. I wasn’t imagining the aches and pains. I wasn’t tearful and grumpy because I was doing too much and overwhelmed.
All these were part of the loss of oestrogen and in fact it was quite normal. It was such a relief to find a reason for it all. It felt hopeful and I felt less alone. I literally pieced it all together retrospectively!
What stage of the menopause are you in?
I’m now 55 and am post menopausal. I understand the average age for women in the UK is 51 and I was 54.
What were/are your symptoms?
Ah, so many and yet, reading other women’s stories I’m also grateful that I have found a way to manage them and they have decreased since becoming post-menopausal.
Emotional & mental:
- paralysing anxiety, from calm to catastrophe in 10 seconds
- tearful so often
- quick to fly off the handle without good reason. I am usually slow to anger so this was very disconcerting
- feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope
- unable to concentrate
- forgetful!
Physical:
- cold flushes – shivering for no good reason it seemed, I wear woolen jumpers to bed!
- aching joints and muscles
- headaches
- Tinnitus
- dry eyes
- insomnia – laying awake at bedtime or going to sleep and waking at 3am unable to drift off again
- heart palpitations
- night sweats
- itchy skin (formication)
For years I thought I was coming down with the flu! Cold, aching joints, headaches…. Permanently worried I wouldn’t be able to go to work and provide for my little family!
What effect did/do your symptoms have on daily life?
I simply felt under the weather for a long time. Tired, stressed, anxious, tearful, forgetful.
I worried I was letting my family and friends down.
I worried about my home and my job.
If I hadn’t slept well I would find myself even more anxious the next day.
Have your symptoms affected your relationships with others?
Looking back, there was a time when I was snappy and tearful with my boys. As a single Mum there is just the 3 of us. I remember so clearly hearing them in the back of the car on the way home from school or work saying, “You light the candles, I’ll put the fairy lights on, let’s make a cup of tea, find the chocolate, light the fire!...” These were ways they knew I would feel loved and calm. I am so grateful for their patience and understanding.
On a funnier note, there is a family joke that I will start a sentence and then forget what I am about to say halfway through! I’m finding it happens less so nowadays. Even when it does, I am more patient with myself and don’t let anyone rush me or make me feel silly.
How are you managing your menopause?
I feel very fortunate in that I am able to manage my menopause with:
- exercise (paddleboarding, swimming, teaching aqua fit, boxfit, kettlebells)
- a good sleep routine
- saying yes to some things and no to others, setting boundaries
- finding a purpose which brings me joy and hope
- upping my water intake & eating foods that are nutritious and which make me feel good and not denying myself treats or following prescriptive diets
- developing a kinder relationship to my body so that I ignore the imperative to look or be a certain way during my midlife
- spending time with friends and cherishing time alone too
- quiet times alone when I can nourish myself and listen to what I need
I grew up thinking that exercise was only for athletes & those people who wanted to compete or to lose weight and look a certain way. Breaking that link and unhitching exercise from weight loss and aesthetics has given me the freedom to enjoy being active. It has brought more joy and adventures into my life than I could have imagined. I exercise for my physical and mental wellbeing, as a way to look after my heart, bones, muscle and soul.
I take Vitamin D. I also use Vagifem, a to prevent vaginal dryness and irritation. I use Vagisan topical cream too as I enjoy spin classes and cycling and it helps.
What has been the worst thing about the menopause for you?
Anxiety and feeling very alone – my body felt alien, I felt overwhelmed and lost for a while.
What is the best thing to come out of your menopause journey?
Oh, the joy, the gratitude, the hope, the purpose. Taking a decision to put myself on the priority list. Letting go of what and who I thought I should be and no longer comparing myself to other women. The writing, the tiny films I have made, the courage to submit my work to festivals and magazines and to speak at events. The community of women I have met on social media and then in real life. The adventures I have gone on that have lifted my soul and the dreams I have for the future.
I am grateful for the clarity that life is short and precious and how it informs my every day. The knowledge that we can go to the darkest of places and find our way back to the sunshine. The menopause has taught me to cherish the tiniest moments of joy every day. I know for sure that love, sunshine and magic can be found within and I am beyond grateful for that lesson.
The menopause was a difficult rite of passage and I would not wish anyone the fear, loneliness and anxiety I felt at times. However, it has also given me a gift.
It would have been lovely to find that gift another way, but I can’t change the past. I can only continue to carry that gift as I go forward.
What do you want other women to know that may help them to get through the menopause?
I want other women to know that they are not alone, their well-being matters, they matter. I want them to know that it is important that they put themselves on the priority list and that that is not selfish. There is help, advice and treatment they can access. They may unfortunately have to be persistent to access that help but it is important they find what works for them and get the support they deserve.
I want them to know that they will come out the other side and it will get better. I want them to have hope and above all, be kind to themselves.
Connect with Jo Moseley -
Twitter and Instagram: @healthyhappy50
www.healthyhappy50.com
More about Jo -
Jo Moseley, 55, is a Mum of two sons, aged 23 & 19, flying solo with them for the last 13 years. They live on the edge of the Yorkshire Dales. She describes herself as a beach cleaner, joy encourager & midlife adventurer. In August 2019, Jo became the first woman to SUP (stand up paddle) coast to coast 162 miles along the Leeds Liverpool Canal, picking up litter & fundraising. She loves making tiny award winning films about the joy of the outdoors for our mental wellbeing after a difficult menopause, including Finding Joy, Found at Sea & Small Things, Great Love. She is an adventure speaker & writer.
Jo just completed a challenge to climb Everest in a Month in her back yard during lockdown, raising money for her local foodbank.
https://www.justgiving.com/campaign/skiptonfoodbank-covid-19