Laura Shuckburgh's Meno Story
Me looking like everything was ok
When did you first notice any changes, what were they and what was it like?
I first noticed changes when I was around 46. I started to experience symptoms like PMT but for longer periods of time. I became more and more anxious and depressed. My anxiety became debilitating, resulting in me having to cancel work meetings and becoming distressed if I thought I might bump into people when out and about. I became quite reclusive and could not cope with any visitors and found dealing with simple family gatherings and interactions extremely stressful. I eventually stopped attending any kind of social events. I lost all my self-confidence and became a shadow of my former self. Some mornings I couldn’t even decide what to wear and would stand in front of my wardrobe in tears. Other symptoms were night sweats and extreme fatigue.
How did you diagnose yourself/know it was menopause?
I started to do my own research and lots of it. There seemed to be no easy way to find information on these symptoms. I was still having regular periods although they had become very light. I also didn’t feel ‘old enough’ to be in menopause and at that time I had never heard of perimenopause. Joining the dots eventually helped me to realise that I wasn’t going crazy and there was a reason for the way I was feeling. This was such a sense of relief, I could at last start to think about managing my menopause, yay!
What's been the toughest thing about menopause for you?
The toughest thing about this transition has been the effect that it has had on my marriage. My husband has been so supportive, but the mood swings and bouts of intense anger have turned me at times into an argumentative and very irritable woman. I also kept saying that I wanted a divorce because I simply couldn’t deal with the day to day commitments of being in my marriage, I felt that I couldn’t cope any longer.
I made the decision to move out of the family home and rent a place just with my son who at the time was 15/16. This drastic decision was the only way that I believe our marriage has lasted. It gave me the time to be alone and literally take stock and come to terms with what my hormones were inflicting on me. My husband and I remained married but lived separately like this for about a year.
And what's been the BEST thing about your menopause transition? Any realisations or gifts it's given you?
The best thing to come out of my menopause journey so far is that I have had to dig deep and look inside myself to acknowledge what I need and want from my life. It has made my journey of self-discovery extremely important. In Japan they call the menopause the ‘Second Spring’. I absolutely adore this. It gives me and hopefully lots of other women going through this phase of life hope that there is a light at the end of, what sometimes feels like a very long tunnel.
I have also found my ‘WHY’ we all need our why and through my own journey I have a new career that I love and am passionate about as a Coach and Menopause Consultant.
What advice would you give to anyone who is struggling with the symptoms?
I would say to any woman going through menopause that research is key. There is so much information out there when you start to search. I would also say go and see your GP. If you are over 40 and they say you are too young or try and prescribe antidepressants, please insist on a second opinion. You can ask for a blood test although these are not always accurate. Many GP’s do not have specific training for menopause so often dismiss symptoms as something else. Reach out to other women, we want to help. Join forums on facebook where there are other women going through the same thing. Become a menopause champion where you work, and insist your workplace has a menopause policy or at least has a culture that talks openly about menopause. Know you are not going crazy and that this is just a phase.
What has helped you the most - any supplements, medications, tips or tricks to share?
HRT has changed my life in many ways. I did heaps of research before deciding to take it. The bad press a few years ago has put many women off HRT but it has many benefits including helping with a lot of the symptoms associated with menopause and reduction in Osteoporosis and Cardiovascular disease. There are slightly greater risks associated with breast cancer, but I realised that my wine consumption put me at greater risk of breast cancer than HRT! I have cut back on wine which helps my sleep too. I also exercise regularly, including HIIT, weightlifting and walk at least 10,000 steps per day. I take a supplement from Flourish and make sure I am getting enough sleep. Every woman’s menopause journey is unique and there are many ways to manage the symptoms.
Coaching sessions that help me to keep on track and provide a safe space where I can talk and work towards what I want out of life and my future. I recommend everyone has a coach , it still is the best investment I give to myself.
What inspired you to launch Marvellous Midlife?
I launched Marvellous Midlife last year because I wanted to inspire and support women. Midlife is a time in our lives when many women have some time to think about what they really want to get out of life. Most women have spent a lot of time caring for others, now is the time to concentrate on our own needs.
It started as a blog but has grown rapidly. I now Coach women and support and empower them to live a life they want with less ‘shoulds’ and more joy! I am also a Menopause Consultant and writer working hard to raise awareness of the menopause in as many workplaces as possible with manager training and workshops. Only 1 in 10 workplaces have a menopause policy and considering that 13 million working women in the UK are in a stage of menopause it is hugely important that we lift the lid on this once taboo subject and start having open conversations.
We can then support women going through menopause and help organisations to keep hold of their workforce and attract new talent. If you think your workplace could do with a shake-up and help implementing Menopause awareness I would be so pleased to help you to implement this.
Anything else we should know about your story?
I am now divorced as of August this year. Leaving my marriage at the end of October 2020 and now divorced in 2021. It has been quite the year. I document a lot on Instagram you can follow me there. @marvellous_midlife
I am always looking to feature women who are willing to share their Meno story for a regular blog feature on my website and would love to publish a book about all these wonderful brave women in the future. Please get in touch laura@marvellousmidlife.co.uk.
If you enjoyed this menopause story head here to the blog for more menopause Experiences
Connect with Laura:
Facebook group @Menopause Hive
Instagram: @marvellous_midlife
LinkedIn: @LShuckburgh
Twitter: @marvelousmidlif
More about Laura:
Laura is an Internationally certified NLP + Time Line Therapy® + Hypnotherapy practitioner. She continues to grow her business Marvellous Midlife, dedicated to supporting people in midlife and menopause transitions.
Her menopause consultancy business is continuing to grow , offering workplace menopause awareness and menopause trainings for managers and leaders. Find out more about that here
Laura lives in France and returns to the UK regularly to deliver Menopause Awareness Sessions, give keynote talks on midlife and menopause and to visit her 21 year old son and family.