Nicola Humphreys' Meno Story
1. How old were you when you first discovered you were in Menopause?
45
2. How did you know you were in Menopause?
My contraceptive pill - Cerazette - had NHS supply issues so I stopped taking it. For six months afterwards, I felt anxious and wired. I couldn’t sleep. I craved affection and cried every day. I knew I wasn’t depressed. My GPS put me on Propranolol and Sertraline but they didn’t help for long. So I gave them up too. After a heavy, debilitating, 27-day menstrual period, My GP told me that it could be early menopause. I suspected this, as my mother started menopause in her early 40s.
Since then, I have been under the case of a Consultant and had 2 ultrasounds, 1 MRI, 1 hysteroscopy and am due an endometrial ablation for my Adenomyosis. My appointment for this operation was cancelled last week.
3. What stage of the menopause are you in?
Perimenopause.
4. What are your symptoms?
Hormones all over the place. Felt like a teenager again. Adrenaline rush then fatigue. Difficulty making decisions. The RAGE! Anaemia from heavy periods/flooding. Crying at joy/sadness.
5. What effect do your symptoms have on daily life?
I do a lot less now. I gave up my craft classes, stopped socialising as much, cocooned myself.
6. Have your symptoms affected your relationships with others?
It wasn’t easy. I didn’t understand myself for a good year. Consequently, my attitude, behaviour and opinions meant that I was ‘cancelled’ by several people in my life. It’s understandable and I do not blame them. I am kind and affectionate, then intolerant and angry. People who have no experience of loved ones with menopause have been scared away. They actively avoid me. It’s fear rather than hatred. Other people hug me on sight and are delighted to see me. I know it is the symptoms that scare them, not the person, but they don’t want to give me another chance.
I now shield myself from those who do not have healthy levels of empathy.
I was brutally honest with my employer from day 1. it took a lot of courage and I felt raw and vulnerable explaining in detail my symptoms. However, it is now officially documented so I do not have to repeat myself to any new managers. I can work at home more often or leave work urgently without being questioned. (Anyone experiencing flooding know that it can look like a crime scene if you sneeze violently)
7. How are you managing your menopause?
Rest, good food, less alcohol (1 or 2 drinks a couple of times a week), menopause vitamins, writing, being completely honest with people about why I am like I am and asking for help.
8. What has been the worst thing about the menopause for you?
That I self-isolate. I am out of sight, out of mind. It made me realise just how little I meant to some people. If I don’t reach out, then they don’t make any effort to stay in contact.
9. What is the best thing to come out of your menopause journey?
In a strange way, it is being ostracised by some friends and family. That finality was so hurtful and I was so upset that went to counselling and the therapist suggested I started to write a blog. The blog now has 2,300 followers and I my short stories have been published in 2 books, with another 3 out next year. Menopause is like shedding old skin. Peeling off a layer, that has been a shield. It hurts and there is nothing you can do to stop it. On the other side, you care less about what people think of you, and that is liberating!
10. What do you want other women to know that may help them to get through the menopause?
That half the population goes through this and there is so much support out there. I only have to mention that “I’m a bit warm today and I’m feeling quite angry. I need a good cry” for sympathetic smiles from older female colleagues, who know. They get it. It’s happened to them. I feel like an activist, constantly prodding my employer, as the company I work for has a very high proportion of women over 40 on staff. There is a lot more they can do than provide fans. HRT isn’t always the answer and it can be a little bit patronising for a non-medical person to suggest. I am trying to persuade them to offer ‘menopause awareness’ sessions for staff (2 sessions. 1 for women only as some women won’t speak in front of men about this.1 session for men and women.) I have also asked if an empty office in the building can be designated as a cooler room, so us women who are feeling uncomfortable in centrally heated offices or having hot flushes can work in a room where we can turn off the radiator and open the window without our colleagues complaining.
More about Nicola:
Nicola Humphreys is a writer with an office job to pay the bills. Her short-story blog aramblingcollective.wordpress.com has many shocking tales with twist endings or possibilities of connections just out of reach. Several of her original stories have also been published in anthologies. She is currently working on a book of spooky short stories and her first novel.
Nicola is @nicolawitters on twitter. She lives in Leicester, UK with her fellow Yorkshire man boyfriend.
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