How old were you when you first discovered you were in Menopause?

It was 2012 and I was 43 when menopause was mentioned for the very first time by any GP. At the time, I didn’t realise how momentous this appointment would turn out to be, and although my GP immediately said that she couldn’t offer me any assistance because I suffer with migraines, this was the first time that I’d had a name put to the collection of symptoms I’d been experiencing for a very long time! I went home and googled “menopause” and the pieces of the puzzle I’d been trying to solve since 2003, finally began to fall into place!

How did you know you were in Menopause?

Up until that point, I had no clue.

I’d been trekking backwards and forwards to numerous GPs over a period of 9 years with a seemingly never ending list of symptoms. I didn’t make the connection between everything that was happening to me, but more worryingly, neither did any of the GPs I saw. Over the years I became more despondent, more depressed and anxious, and more convinced that I was wasting my GPs time, sure that there was nothing wrong with me, except that I was a raving hypochondriac. Now that I know more about menopause, everything makes sense, and the biggest clue of all, the thing that should have been a red flag for my doctors and for me, was the hysterectomy I had in 2003. The only time I remember menopause being mentioned to me prior to 2012, was when my surgeon sent me on my way after my operation telling me that, with my ovaries still intact, I’d go into menopause at “the normal time”. I didn’t know what menopause was particularly, or what the normal time was, but I was 34 years old, with 2 children under 3 years old to look after. My priorities lay elsewhere. Whatever menopause was, it was a long way in the distance and not something I thought I needed to give any attention to. I now know, that I should have been given much better advice, or any advice at all, and I should have been much more prepared for what might happen. I had no understanding of the impact that surgical menopause would have.

What stage of the menopause are you in?

I am post menopausal

What were/are your symptoms?

I had so many. When I look back, I wonder how I managed to function – as a Mum, a wife, at work. I found a reason or an explanation for every symptom, or my GPs explained away what was happening. I accepted what I was told and never questioned. The doctors explanations always seemed to make sense – but there was always that nagging doubt that this was something more, and the symptoms just didn’t go away.

After my hysterectomy, my periods continued. When I tried to tell my GP, I was told not to be “ridiculous”. Along with the scary, cancer related worry of unexpected bleeding, other symptoms began to creep in. I was anxious. I couldn’t sleep and survived on 2 to 3 hours sleep every night up until last year (that’s 16 years of sleep deprivation!). I had sore joints, hot flushes so bad that I was embarrassed to go out. I remember sitting at work with water running off the end of my nose and down my back. My clothes would be damp, my hair stuck to my head, and I’d have to have a couple of changes of clothes with me at all times. I tried to ignore the stares and the feeling of shame that I couldn’t get whatever “this” was under control. I had night sweats – which were easier to deal with because they happened behind closed doors. Awful mood swings, fatigue, itchy skin, heart palpitations, sore joints, loss of libido, overwhelming fatigue, sore breasts, brain fog, dizziness and headaches – just some of the symptoms that I presented to GPs.

What effect did/do your symptoms have on daily life?

At my worst point, I was continually exhausted. I was embarrassed by the never ending flushes and sweats. When treatment for hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) was tried, I was so upset that it wasn’t the answer to at least some of my symptoms. I avoided going anywhere. I didn’t like that I felt as if I was always going to the doctor, and I never came away with a resolution. Every time I tried another treatment, and it didn’t stop the symptoms, I got more and more upset and frustrated and I became more and more reluctant to go back again. I was convinced that every GP I saw felt that I was a timer waster..

Have your symptoms affected your relationships with others?

I stopped talking to friends and family members, assuming that they were as fed up of hearing about my continual and ever expanding list of symptoms as I was of coping with them. I truly began to think that I might be imagining it all. Feeling awful most of the time had a real impact on my first marriage. I was so busy coping with children and symptoms that I had no reserves left for tending a marriage. I didn’t socialize. I didn’t want to go out. I tried to avoid anything except the things that involved my children. I didn’t attend work nights out, or socialize outside of work.

How are you managing your menopause?

I’ve been on Oestrogen only patches now for almost 2 years. I can’t begin to explain the difference that these made almost immediately, although over the first year I did have to have a couple of tweaks to the doseage. I was devastated when I had a complete crash a few months ago with a lot of the old symptoms creeping back in again. After feeling so well for a period of time, the terror of perhaps returning to the misery of overwhelming symptoms saw me post a blog on Twitter. The menopause community came to my rescue and armed with great advice and the addition of testosterone gel to my HRT regime, I am stable, happy, and finally able to say that I feel great. I feel like myself!

What has been the worst thing about the menopause for you?

My own lack of knowledge, the unnecessary visits to GPs and hospitals, the unnecessary medications over so many years of coping with symptoms that, had I been prepared properly by my surgeon, could have been sorted out easily. The lack of training and understanding that some doctors have around the menopause blows my mind. When you feel unwell and you go to see your doctor, you expect that they’ll be able to help. It’s a shock when you find that this isn’t always the case. Had I known more, I would have pushed harder for the correct treatments. The lack of control I felt throughout was debilitating.

What is the best thing to come out of your menopause journey?

My support network. The lovely people and friends I’ve met as a result of trying to find information. The ability I now have to help other women recognize symptoms and point them towards the help they need. Self confidence – now that I feel better, it seems daft to me that it took as long as it did to get the help I needed. Almost 16 years. When I look back, I was so debilitated by all the symptoms that I had neither the strength, the confidence nor the reserves to make more noise about the lack of support I received. Bolstered by HRT, and feeling fit and healthy, I’m a confident and articulate woman and who I should have been all along.

What do you want other women to know that may help them to get through the menopause?

That you’re not alone. You’re not imaging the things that are happening to your body. No one knows your body better than you do – and you should trust your instincts when things change for you. There are so many of us coping with symptoms, and these days, more of us are talking about menopause. Don’t be afraid to ask questions of your GP and do your homework– but make sure you research from sources that are unbiased and evidence based. My “go to” site for information and support is menopausesupport.co.uk

More about Karen

I’m a 51 year old mum of two young lads, 3 dogs and 5 guinea pigs. Happily married to my best friend, we are lucky to live in the beautiful North East of Scotland. I love to spend time in our garden or reading, and whenever I can, I support others to recognise menopause symptoms and signpost them to places where they can get help and support.

Connect with Karen

Twitter: @karen_kenning

Karen Kenning Meno story